Leadership Essentials Series - Active Listening –
What?
 Regardless of where I am the majority of people I
talk to tell me without a doubt that listening is one of the
most vital skills to have. In the same breath they usually
add that they could probably improve their listening skills.
You know the truth is that many of us do have the ability
to hear quite well, but hearing someone talk is not “listening”
to someone talk, but of course you already knew that.
During my workshops I incorporate listening exercises specifically
designed to demonstrate for participants how much they haven’t
listened. I know that may sound a little crazy, but I can
assure you that it is quite effective in getting the full
attention of the participants, as well as a tremendous help
in obtaining “buy in” as to what they could be
hearing if they choose to learn to listen.
Regardless of what they choose, we laugh really hard, and
then get very carried away while we learn to listen better
and everybody learns a whole bunch of stuff they thought they
knew, but didn’t really, because if they “knew
it” they’d “do it”.
With many of the “core competency” skills, for
the most part many think they’ve got them nailed…yet
they can’t understand why they have so much unresolved
conflict in their lives, or why they can’t deal with
anybody behaving out of line or they can’t understand
why it’s just so darn difficult to give someone 30 seconds
of they’re undivided attention and just listen. Never
mind those people that can’t seem to even master the
fine art of stopping what they’re doing while someone
talks to them…. hmm.
I could get into all the reasons, and how to’s presented
in the above paragraph but that would definitely take way
to long, and frankly (gosh there’s Frank) it’s
best done in a one on one or group training. You’re
ego (you know that part of you that is just humouring the
other part of you that wants to learn, by pretending to be
interested!) has too many “ways out” when reading
an article.
So with that said, for those of you that really do want to
start moving forward with your listening skills, as promised
in my previous article here is some information for you, to
give you a tiny little glimpse into the world of possibilities
around how to listen and really hear what the person is saying.
(The “how to be interested” part… well you’ll
have to come to the workshop for that!)
Active Listening
- Listen to Content – That’s
right you’ve got to listen to the person’s words.
My goodness people tell you so much about themselves and
how they see the world by the words they choose. Goodness
and the metaphors they use Wow! There is some pretty interesting
stuff going on in the minds of people.
- Listen to the Intent – What is
it they are really saying. How many times has that significant
other in your life said to you “But that’s not
what I meant” and you retort back with “ but
that’s what you said!!!!!!” As you begin to
really listen to others you may notice that quite often,
possibly for some more often than not, people just do not
say what they mean.
- Listen to their Body Language –
Did you know that better than 65% of what people communicate
to each other is through their body language! Ah huh! Approximately
25% is through their tone (in their voice) and less than
10% of the overall communication message is through words
(this of course is based on an “in person”)
communication. A person’s body language tells so much
about what is really going on inside their minds. From eye
rolling, to eye brow lifts, crunched up facial expressions,
utter shock and even desire can be clearly seen through
a persons body language…. listen carefully to what
people are not saying.
- Be Aware of Your Body Language –
Ok now that you understand a little bit about body language,
if you want to “listen” better please be aware
of what you are doing that is sending mixed messages to
the people you’re listening to. While they’re
talking are you still doing something else? (You’re
missing 65% of what they’re communicating if you are).
In addition you’re going to be far more prone to rolling
your eyes at their ideas or throwing out some other type
of idiomatic response because you’re simply not focused
on what they're saying or really listening to them. Do
yourself a favour and invest a few seconds on someone…a
minute here will save you potentially hours down the road!
- Listen with Empathy and Non Judgement –
Here’s a tricky one. How many times has let’s
say “chatty Cathy” or “negative Nick”
come walking up towards you and before they even open their
mouth your thinking to yourself “oh no I don’t
have time for this today”. Well just to be clear,
that thought isn’t empathetic or non judgemental.
If you don’t have time for them, tell them straight
out you don’t have time. Do be certain particularly
if you’re their boss to offer a time when you will
be available, set some boundaries around how much time you
will offer, and then give them your full attention and get
the matter resolved.
Having the ability to “hear” to really “listen”
to what people are saying is not just about them, it is probably
one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.
Just imagine how much you can learn about somebody. All you
leaders out there, goodness what a disservice you would be
doing yourself if you don’t know how to really listen
to the individuals on your team. When you learn how to really
“hear” what your staff is saying you can take
the guesswork right out of any staffing issues. Just imagine
the time you will save!
 Until
next time
For Your Success
Be Well,
Jackey Backman
“Best
Boss" Transformational Leadership Edmonton/Calgary
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