Leadership Essentials Series - Dealing with Conflict Head On
 Most people absolutely dread dealing with conflict
or confrontation. It’s not pleasant. As a matter of
fact in all the people I’ve ever trained I can only
recall one woman who really enjoyed a good conflict. I think
for her it kind of made her feel powerful to make others feel
small and worthless. (Of course that’s a whole other
series…low self-esteem)
Conflict and confrontation is inevitable…. That is a
fact. So facing the facts and preparing for how to go about
it is just about the best method I know of to help you get
through it when it does peep its ugly head.
The truth is for me that over the years; well let’s
just say that I wasn’t always this happy, chipper solution
finding woman you’ve all come to know. Conflict and
anger were in fact a daily occurrence, for conflict disappears
often just as quickly as it appears.
There are several steps to follow when dealing with a conflict,
and absolutely most importantly one Core Principle that I
teach and actually “program” into participants
at my workshops...
“There is only one person in the world you
can control and that is yourself. ”
By choosing to adapt this belief you position yourself for
power. Let me say that again, differently. By adapting this
belief you take full responsibility for your actions and therefore
are able to own the outcomes you create (accountability).
By doing this you are accepting fully your personal power
and of course stepping forward into living life on purpose.
This is an underlying core principle, a universal truth if
you will, that will open many doors for you. Conflict resolution
is just the beginning.
Here are 5 Steps to resolving Conflict with Others
- Focus on a Solution - Have you ever overheard
an argument and all you could “hear” where two
people yelling about whose right? Being right and having
a workable solution are two very different issues. When
venturing into a conflict situation (actually when venturing
into everything in life including your day) you’ve
got to have an outcome in mind. If you don’t have
a specific outcome in mind, well then you begin a series
of haphazard actions that will either result favourably
or not. Looking back at the end of the argument (or day)
is probably not the best time to start deciding what outcome
you would have liked to have had. It could be as simple
as starting out the conflict by saying to the other party
“ I can hear your upset, I want you to know that I’m
committed to finding a solution that will work for everyone
involved.” From there be certain to stay focussed
on solution finding. They may, depending on how angry they
are, go off topic or veer a little here and there. If they
do just keep repeating something like; “ We can discuss
that in a moment, for now let’s stay focused on a
solution”
- Hear their point of view - Let them go
on if necessary, spill their “guts” if you will.
While they do so listen carefully to what they are saying…they
will in all that talking tell you what has really upset
them. Usually it’s not even what you or for that matter
they thought it was. Often it can be an intangable like
they feel disrespected or unappreciated.
- Ask them what they want from you. Be
certain to use compassion and watch your tonality. Say something
like this “What is it specifically that you would
like to see happen?” Or “What specifically can
I do to help you?” Please note the use of the word
specifically. This is an absolutely vital word in this type
of circumstance. As it causes the individual to focus and
while they are focussing they can’t be going on aimlessly
or emotionally.
- Don’t interrupt them! This is huge.
Just be quiet. Let the other person speak. Even if they
are asking questions, stay quiet and watch them closely
to see if they are really looking for an answer. Often when
people are upset they will question. When they do this usually
they already assume the answers they are looking for, and
your response may quite possible just anger them further.
- Resist the urge to assume or judge what they are
saying. If you are not clear, then ask for clarification.
Again be very mindful of your tone particularly during a
conflict situation. Believe it or not, you’re tonality
communicates better than 25% of your overall message during
a verbal/in person communication.
More on that in my next article.
From now until then… you may click the following link
and find out more about my upcoming “Best
Boss” Transformational Leadership workshop.
 Until
next time
For Your Success
Be Well,
Jackey Backman
P.s. “Best Boss" Transformational
Leadership is selling out fast and space is Limited click
below to get the full details before this sold out!
Get
ready for a Life Altering Experience->
click here.
| 
One Spirit Inc. 