Hi Subscriber,
Ok so you're talking away, it's a sensative
topic and you're very cautious with what
you're saying.
Then BAM! the next thing you know you're listener is upset. What happened?
Or have you ever asked someone for help and although they've agreed to help you can just feel that something isn't right?
Well it could be quite possible that they or you, have inadvertently misused one of the 3 most misused words... In the Entire English Speaking World!
These words although good and true words that add value to our language have now become for so many of us a speaking faux pas. When these words are misused (and they often are) they get us into trouble. Starting right now you can take back your speaking power!
BUT
Let's take a closer look at the word "but". In itself the word is a conjunction, designed to bing together two sentences. Innocent enough you may think but in actual fact the word "but" completely negetes everything that preceded it. That's right it completely takes away the value of what was just said.
There are two ways that we often misuse the word "but"
1. People very often will "but" themselves, and when they do they send a message that they are unclear or worse yet that they are wishy-washy. Sending that message is not a wise professional decision. Indecisiveness is highly frowned upon in today's work place.
Take a look at how you may be sending the wrong message when you are butting yourself:
Imagine that your boss or co-worker asks your opinion on something and you respond with
" well what I think is.... but on the other hand...."
You were asked your opinion, do you have one or not? If you have one then tell them directly and concisely. If you don't want to share your opinion tell them so. If you're attempting to cover your butt (no pun intended) by giving both sides, it's far better to be direct, gentle and truthful about what you feel, than be perceived as wishy-washy and evasive.
2. Then of course there is when people actually "but" other people.
Imagine sitting together with your beau and they lean towards you look you in the eye and say " I love you, but..."
WHOA!
This example is so effective as it demonstrates how the word but took away the value from the first part of the sentence.
I mean really truly can you even hear anything that comes after that "but"?
Another good example, imagine your boss coming to you and in their hand is a copy of a report you've just completed. You've worked hard and you are eager for their feedback. Which would you prefer to hear?
a) This report you've done is excellent. Your effort is apparent, but there is a section here that I'm not clear on. Come into my office so we can discuss it.
b) This report you've done is excellent. Your effort is apparent, there is a section here that I'm not clear on. Come into my office so we can discuss it.
In the second example the speaker was able to maintain the value of the compliment and open up a discussion without insult to the listener. In the first example the compliment was taken away almost as quickly as it was given.
Instead of the word but you will find that the word "and" often will reflect more accurately what you mean to say. Quite often simply dropping the "but" as I've done it the example above is perfect.
When you "but" other people what they are actually hearing is "wrong" and when you tell people they're "wrong" they get upset. Stop getting people upset = start getting more respect. A simple equation.
Here's to your sanity.
Jackeyb
Next week... we'll talk about the other 2 words!
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